Inspired

 I’ll be honest, I forgot about the blog.  It was tormenting expressing feelings I couldn’t express.  I realize I was true to the title, “random rants”.  I saw someone commented almost a year ago….and it inspired me to write.

If you are struggling, just know, it’s ok.  I understand where you are and I support you….even if no one else does.

Currently, to update everyone:  I’m just living/surviving. I don’t know what else to say.  I am still bi….duh!  lol.  Currently, I’m on a very lonely, yet hopefully healing journey.  I dont know what else to say… it’s been one hell of a journey. with some ups and many downs but i’m still here.  I re-read all of my posts lol that was humorous. I am still authentically me….   still here for discussion but at the moment, nothing to report…. 

Thank you for your grace, support, encouragement, and comments. Thank you for your time❤️😘😘😘

testing

 dod my forum get deleted?

Wow!

 It's been YEARS... I still tickle myself when I go back and read my  previous posts.   Quick  update:

I've completely given up on the idea of having a relationship with another woman.  I still cycle through periods  of  being ok and periods of "overwhelming desire"... but most times I manage. 

I am currently  in a bi "flare up" so to  speak.... and struggling through it.... I hope it will just ease back down to admiring and appreciating....  sigh...  each flare up is different, is  triggered by something different, and lasts for different time lengths.  I try to stay busy and distracted.  Was weird? the memory that keeps coming  back to my  mind is the smell of her hair in the shower.  weird, huh?   the softness of the smell.  

Anyway,  I joined a SUPPORT  group (hopefully) today and I plan on sharing the blog so I  dusted it off. :)

I  desperately continue to  seek an outlet  to express my feelings...  with interactions (unlike this blog... which is why  I stopped  blogging)  with women  who   understand.  I am still soooo  not interested in hook  ups or one night stands.... I remain tru to myself.

I am  still married. this  are going well.  we talk  about SSA sometimes but after everything  that happened.... and his  hardstop HELL NO.... I just leave it alone.  Plus, it  was no fun getting my heart  broken  but  at least I confirmed  I can absolutely  love a woman :)   I've also  confirmed this is unfortunately  NOT going away.... although  i wish it would.  Did I mention I  get frustrated during  flare ups and  start to hate myself. lol.  

Well, cheers and here's to the next update... sometime in the future. Maybe I'll do one  after the flare up for contrast.   Be well  <3

It’s been years...

since the break up and I have had no other girlfriends. sigh.  I met up with a few ladies but we never hit it off. It’s been kinda lonely in the lady department lately...  female desires usually come and go but it is frustrating. Since I was in an “on” mood, I figured I’d post to let people know this isnt glmaorous. this is a painstaking, heart breaking, curse that can be difficult to handle when there’s nothing to “distract” you from reality.  well ❤️❤️ ty for ready 😢

Wow....It's been quite some time

Hello everyone! It's been quite a while since I've posted here. Mainly because school, commuting, and family stuff has taken the bulk of my time. And, I really didn't have much to say; however, I decided, for those who are new, in the position I was/am in, and/or those seeking answers, I'd come back to my baby blog and share my experiences. :)

What's new? Well, I'm finally COMPLETELY over everything with the ex, I have learned a better way to handle beautiful women and inquiring minds, lol, started working out again, and most important, I've found my inner peace. I also decided I'm not even going to consider another female relationship until I hit my goal weight and have the confidence that comes with knowing you look great. I realize that although I believe we broke up due to my weight gain, my low self-esteem, because of the weight, probably didn't help. I always say, the most beautiful[est thing in the world] woman is one who exudes confidence and lacks conceit. So that means in order to be beautiful, I have to be confident...and it's coming :}

I welcome everyone to the mind of this marriedbi.  Feel free to ask a question, and it may be addressed respectfully & anonymously, of course. Until probably next week, go in peace, find joy in the little things, and appreciate the life you are living <3 rrmb

another year ....

Another year has gone by and I still wish I could get over this curse.  I'm so tired of looking at women and wanting them.  I just wish I could redact these feels until they don't exist!  I'm in my bed after having read another great article about bisexuality...it made me think about this blog and posting it here:     http://sabotagetimes.com/reportage/bisexuality-is-not-as-much-fun-as-you-think/
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So.....

It's been a while since I tip toed into my blog to write.  The last time I wrote, I was in a interesting place.... I'm practically still in that place but a little more calm, lol.  Now I'm just lonely and sad. ( in the female/female) kinda way.  The hubby & I are great! <3 <3  Even though he gets on my stinkin nerves sometimes, lol, he is an amazing guy and I love him so much!

Before I start getting mushy, lol I'm such a softy, I'm going to bring it back around.

While I typed up this whole section detailing the text exchange I recently had with the ex, I decided to erase it. she doesn't deserve my time....MOVING RIGHT ALONG

I signed up for a few websites and we'll see what happens. I'll keep you guys posted....although I'm quite pessimistic.

til next time,
RR